My New Friends

Let me introduce you to some of the new friend I met this weekend:

- A lesbian who discussed classical music and Taxi Cab Confessional with me (and I thought she was trying to pick me up until I found out she was a lesbian)

- A metal rocker chick who thought I was latino

- Some random guy who couldn't shut the hell up about Pearl Jam and Maroon 5 (He seemed to be disappointed when I mentioned that I had wanted to see Arcade Fire in concert when they were here)

- A wedding party that thought Crazy Cactus was the height of fun and enjoyment in this city

- A guy who wore a tuxedo shirt to a wedding reception at a church

- The owner/manager of Finn's pub who gave me some mediocre coupons

- A 90 year old man of English descent who has been on 9 cruises in Alaska

- A group that claimed to be the band playing at Amigo's on Friday night

- A carpenter who claimed to have built the stage at Amigo's that said band played on

- Some bitch who criticized my navigation skills when I totally went the fastest and shortest route

- Some asshole who smelled of the MJ and changed my music (I invented a 10th circle of hell for people who change my music)

- A homeless man who looked like Little Richard

- A boyfriend who had me drive halfway across the city to pick up his 'idiot' girlfriend who decided she wanted to walk home from a bar in a miniskirt through one of the sketchiest areas of the city.

- A group from Scratch that looked homeless and had me track down their equally homeless-looking friend who was at that point wandering through a Tim Horton's parking lot across town (I secretly hoped we could have done a drive-by pick-up where we don't stop, open the door, and he jumps in as we pass him...alas, this did not happen)




I have judged all these people. When people ask me what my profession is, I should start telling them that I am a judge. You get into my cab, I judge you...I judge your drunkenness, I judge your stories, I judge your clothes....I judge you.

In the process of writing that I have noticed who silly the word 'judge' is...especially when you repeat it and use it as a verb.