12 hours. Straight. No breaks. No coffee. FML. There are however, 465 reasons to like that.
Best costume: A man dressed as a hot dog bun....and when I say he was dressed as a hot dog bun, I mean that he cut a hole in a small mattress and wore it around his neck. He claimed that he would go around hugging ladies and asking them if they wanted to be the hot dog for his bun.
Runners-up: 4 guys that looked like the Hanson brothers dressed as chippendales. A bonus for one of them biffing it while running towards my cab. Also, 4 guys dressed as bananas. An AIESECer dressed as the tallest samurai that has ever existed. One gigantic blue elmo/grover. One mexican in a fat suit with a mullet.
Best costume by a taxi driver: A fat, old, east indian driver dressed up as a Dalmatian. Really no competition to speak of though.
Groups in my cab that I knew: 3.....one group consisting of a couple AIESECers, one group consisting of guys I play basketball with, and one group of people I went to high school with (I never pointed this out to them).
Tonight I became a hero to a small group who had been stranded at Moxie's. They had been there for over an hour and a half waiting for a cab. The wait time for most of the night was 45 minutes. They were really happy when I came and thanked me repeatedly. What they didn't know was that and hour and half earlier I had been sitting at Moxie's when they originally called. I gave them about 5 minutes to come out of the building and get into my cab, and when they didn't, I left....because it was insanely busy around town and I had no patience. However, I decided not to mention these minor details to them.
Almost had a fight over my cab. At one point there were about 50-100 people stranded outside Outlaws looking for a cab. One guy flagged me down and when we went to pick up his front we got drunk-attacked (this occurs when a drunk doesn't realize that there are already people in the cab and repeatedly pull on the door handle and wonder why it's locked. This occurs 3-4 times a shift for me). Thinking his ride home was in jeopardy, the guy in my cab jumped out and almost attacked the drunk. Thankfully his friends arrived and we left.
Good part of my job: girls who are actually nice. This usually takes place with my worst drunks of the night, and then there is one nice girl in the cab who is very nice and says 'please' and 'thank you' and gives in a little extra tip. Doesn't sound like much, but always makes the night a little better.
Even better part of my job: ladies....costumes.....short skirts. It seems that any ladies costume can be made better by the addition of a really short skirt. Did I have wandering eyes? Maybe.
Now, if you happen to leave your phone or wallet in my cab, it gets returned to the office where you can claim. However, if you leave an untouched 12-pack of Moosehead Lager, it gets moved to my fridge. I've decided that whoever left it thought I was a really good driver and that it was a tip. I'm pretty sure it was in there for the majority of the evening, and I was expecting one of my customers to snag it. However, it was still there at the end of the night and I felt no reason for me not to take it.
At the airport, waiting for a flight to a land, another driver comes over to talk to me and eventually the subject comes up and I say how I'm a student at the U of S. The other driver says 'I know, you're that Commerce student'. Apparently, a lot of other drivers know me but haven't actually met me. I'm the 'Commerce student'. I'm a pretty big deal, people know me.
Scariest moment of the evening: Driving home and finding out the hard way that going 80 around a slight curve in the road with really icy roads is a bad idea. No other cars were around to witness my 720, and my supreme driving skills kept it on the road. And with my Camaro finally changing from an awesome-machine into a death-machine, I can announce winter to have officially arrived.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Popular Comments
My things I used to hear the most were related to me being young and white. Thanks to Jersey Shore, the thing I now hear the most is: 'Cabs are here!'.....usually by people going to Tequila's.
I've considered rolling down my window and shouting that as I drive up to a bar.
...and just to clarify, I don't watch Jersey Shore, but after hearing it so often I had to ask what the deal was, and then I had to check it out on YouTube.
...fuckin Jersey Shore....
I've considered rolling down my window and shouting that as I drive up to a bar.
...and just to clarify, I don't watch Jersey Shore, but after hearing it so often I had to ask what the deal was, and then I had to check it out on YouTube.
...fuckin Jersey Shore....
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Nobody Cheated Me Tonight!
The Trews were playing at Louis' tonight. After it was over they were getting into their van/RV/superbus thingy and had about 15 pretty fine looking ladies from Louis' joining them. The ladies that I picked up, they tried, and were rejected. I laughed on the inside.
A fight at The Hose. While taking one of the victims to the hospital for a cut above his eye, he told his uncle had connections and that one word of this event to him, and 'that guy would be fucking dead'.
I happened to hear two of my customers saying that they worked with The Sheaf. I was planning to call their office on Monday to try and get an article for AIESEC. I struck up the conversation and things look positive on that front. Hopefully they actually remember that conversation, I even got his business card. On a side note, who takes business cards with them to Tequila's?
Food eaten in my cab tonight: McDonald's, Vern's, Tim Horton's, Subway, hotdog, and chocolate bars. Only one of those was me.
Highlight of the night: The sky. It started with a clear sky and a huge full moon, and ended with fog rolling in that reflected the light of the city. It gave off a purple and orange glow and made the city have a very surreal dream-like presence. The moments between trips were very peaceful because of that....and then it started raining.
Random moment: at the end of the ride, one of my customers shook my hand and said 'white power!'
New hobby: late at night, cab drivers usually wave at eachother when they pass, regardless of which company they work for. Sometimes when I'm alone in the cab and I see another cab driver approaching, I'll either make funny faces at him or crank my radio and start fist pumping as I pass. The looks I get really make my evening a lot better.
If you're driving near Ruth and Lorne late at night, try to avoid Stan's Place. First of all, don't go in the building. Secondly, half the cars that come out of that parking lot are drunk drivers. The murder that happened there last week was of no surprise to me. I have not found a worse place in the city to frequent late on a weekend.
A fight at The Hose. While taking one of the victims to the hospital for a cut above his eye, he told his uncle had connections and that one word of this event to him, and 'that guy would be fucking dead'.
I happened to hear two of my customers saying that they worked with The Sheaf. I was planning to call their office on Monday to try and get an article for AIESEC. I struck up the conversation and things look positive on that front. Hopefully they actually remember that conversation, I even got his business card. On a side note, who takes business cards with them to Tequila's?
Food eaten in my cab tonight: McDonald's, Vern's, Tim Horton's, Subway, hotdog, and chocolate bars. Only one of those was me.
Highlight of the night: The sky. It started with a clear sky and a huge full moon, and ended with fog rolling in that reflected the light of the city. It gave off a purple and orange glow and made the city have a very surreal dream-like presence. The moments between trips were very peaceful because of that....and then it started raining.
Random moment: at the end of the ride, one of my customers shook my hand and said 'white power!'
New hobby: late at night, cab drivers usually wave at eachother when they pass, regardless of which company they work for. Sometimes when I'm alone in the cab and I see another cab driver approaching, I'll either make funny faces at him or crank my radio and start fist pumping as I pass. The looks I get really make my evening a lot better.
If you're driving near Ruth and Lorne late at night, try to avoid Stan's Place. First of all, don't go in the building. Secondly, half the cars that come out of that parking lot are drunk drivers. The murder that happened there last week was of no surprise to me. I have not found a worse place in the city to frequent late on a weekend.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Why Is There Carpet On My Steering Wheel (Tales of Ten-Seven)
As some of you may already know, I have torn ligaments in my right ankle which not only makes walking difficult, but also makes driving difficult as well. In an effort to find a solution, I drove to work with my left foot. This was a terrible idea. I decided that instead I would drive with both feet.
My shift continued on its already questionable note when I arrived and my taxi was not there. This is an all too common occurrence (it happens almost every shift). The other driver knows his shift ends at 4. I work the same time every weekend, and every weekend I have to get dispatch to call him back and give me my cab. Every time he claims that he did not know and thought he worked til 5. Such is the nature of cab drivers. However, this time was a little different. Not only was the 28 not at the garage for me to drive, it was no where. The 28 cab no longer exists. As it turns out, it;s gone and I am now working 5-5 shifts in cab 107. Thanks head office, thanks for letting me know these small details about my car and schedule being changed, you're a big help.
About an hour in I realized this was going to be a long night for my ankle. Braking with your left foot is more difficult than I thought. There were many times tonight that I ended up stopping mid-way into an intersection, and many times I had both the accelerator and brake pedals pushed down, pedal to the metal.
Bad cabbie story: I picked up a girl on the west side and she told me about getting ditched my her last cab driver. She wanted to go on a trip with a few stops, and gave her money up front, $20, to the driver. Her first stop was around the corner, maybe a $4 fare at this point. She goes into the store, the cabbie drives off. He must have enjoyed his 400% tip. I told her this: As a cabbie, I get customers who rip me off a lot.....but mathematically, there's a lot better chance of a cabbie ripping off his customer than a customer ripping off the cabbie. Sad, but true.
A customer asked me what happened if/when a customer bails on the driver. I explained how the police and taxis work. If a customer robs or bails on a driver, the police are not there to protect me, the driver. If a customer robs or bails on a driver, the police are not there to protect you, the thief. You're drunk and having fun, I'm sober and pissed off. Let's see what happens.
Three customers gave me an $8 dollar so that I would let them sit in my cab for a couple minutes and crack some beers while they waited for the friends. A couple minutes later their friends drove up, over, and threw the lawn.....eventually parked safely near the garage and got out of the car. My passengers left. I left.
Customers bailing on me is something I'm getting used to. They all seem to be of the same demographic: young, white, male, backwards hat. For this reason, I was fairly surprised when four flight attendants that I picked up from the airport decided to run out on me, laughing. My ankle is barely holding on, I can't chase them. I don't think I would have anyway, it was unusual.
Some prick from out of town decided to call a cab. I don't driving all the way out there for free, but the fare back in to town usually makes up for it. So, when I showed up and they decided to say 'nevermind, we don't need a cab anymore' I kind of wanted to do donuts on their gravel driveway and spray them said gravel. Seriously, if you're going to call a cab for a place that is over a kilometer out of the city, you better damn well use that cab. Dick move of the night.
Halloween started early. A french guy with black eyeliner and a fake plastic sword came into my cab. There were similar horribly costumed people at The Pat, where I dropped him off. I can't wait to work next weekend, the costumes should make for an interesting night.
My late night break place is always Tim Horton's on Cumberland and 8th. Usually a 7:00, 10:00, and 1:00 thing. However, that will come to an end. Donuts and coffee and gross, especially that often. If any of you know of any places that are open late and sell reasonably healthy food made quick, I am all ears. Also, when I went today I order two donuts as I was hungry. When I got my bag, the Tim Horton's employee (a fairly hot asian chick) smiled at me in a not-forced-customer-service type way. When I got back to my cab, I noticed I had three donuts instead of two. Either she wanted to bone me or she is just friendly and incompetent. I'm going with the former because it makes me feel good about myself, and I haven't had any cougars hitting on me in my cab for three whole shifts now....kinda depressing, maybe I should unbutton a few buttons and show off some chest hair.
Oh ya....
P.S. If you're wondering about the title. My old cab, the 28, had a foam thingy that went around the steering wheel to make shifts more comfortable. My new cab has carpet around the steering wheel. I don't get it either. I'm not even joking....carpet.
My shift continued on its already questionable note when I arrived and my taxi was not there. This is an all too common occurrence (it happens almost every shift). The other driver knows his shift ends at 4. I work the same time every weekend, and every weekend I have to get dispatch to call him back and give me my cab. Every time he claims that he did not know and thought he worked til 5. Such is the nature of cab drivers. However, this time was a little different. Not only was the 28 not at the garage for me to drive, it was no where. The 28 cab no longer exists. As it turns out, it;s gone and I am now working 5-5 shifts in cab 107. Thanks head office, thanks for letting me know these small details about my car and schedule being changed, you're a big help.
About an hour in I realized this was going to be a long night for my ankle. Braking with your left foot is more difficult than I thought. There were many times tonight that I ended up stopping mid-way into an intersection, and many times I had both the accelerator and brake pedals pushed down, pedal to the metal.
Bad cabbie story: I picked up a girl on the west side and she told me about getting ditched my her last cab driver. She wanted to go on a trip with a few stops, and gave her money up front, $20, to the driver. Her first stop was around the corner, maybe a $4 fare at this point. She goes into the store, the cabbie drives off. He must have enjoyed his 400% tip. I told her this: As a cabbie, I get customers who rip me off a lot.....but mathematically, there's a lot better chance of a cabbie ripping off his customer than a customer ripping off the cabbie. Sad, but true.
A customer asked me what happened if/when a customer bails on the driver. I explained how the police and taxis work. If a customer robs or bails on a driver, the police are not there to protect me, the driver. If a customer robs or bails on a driver, the police are not there to protect you, the thief. You're drunk and having fun, I'm sober and pissed off. Let's see what happens.
Three customers gave me an $8 dollar so that I would let them sit in my cab for a couple minutes and crack some beers while they waited for the friends. A couple minutes later their friends drove up, over, and threw the lawn.....eventually parked safely near the garage and got out of the car. My passengers left. I left.
Customers bailing on me is something I'm getting used to. They all seem to be of the same demographic: young, white, male, backwards hat. For this reason, I was fairly surprised when four flight attendants that I picked up from the airport decided to run out on me, laughing. My ankle is barely holding on, I can't chase them. I don't think I would have anyway, it was unusual.
Some prick from out of town decided to call a cab. I don't driving all the way out there for free, but the fare back in to town usually makes up for it. So, when I showed up and they decided to say 'nevermind, we don't need a cab anymore' I kind of wanted to do donuts on their gravel driveway and spray them said gravel. Seriously, if you're going to call a cab for a place that is over a kilometer out of the city, you better damn well use that cab. Dick move of the night.
Halloween started early. A french guy with black eyeliner and a fake plastic sword came into my cab. There were similar horribly costumed people at The Pat, where I dropped him off. I can't wait to work next weekend, the costumes should make for an interesting night.
My late night break place is always Tim Horton's on Cumberland and 8th. Usually a 7:00, 10:00, and 1:00 thing. However, that will come to an end. Donuts and coffee and gross, especially that often. If any of you know of any places that are open late and sell reasonably healthy food made quick, I am all ears. Also, when I went today I order two donuts as I was hungry. When I got my bag, the Tim Horton's employee (a fairly hot asian chick) smiled at me in a not-forced-customer-service type way. When I got back to my cab, I noticed I had three donuts instead of two. Either she wanted to bone me or she is just friendly and incompetent. I'm going with the former because it makes me feel good about myself, and I haven't had any cougars hitting on me in my cab for three whole shifts now....kinda depressing, maybe I should unbutton a few buttons and show off some chest hair.
Oh ya....
P.S. If you're wondering about the title. My old cab, the 28, had a foam thingy that went around the steering wheel to make shifts more comfortable. My new cab has carpet around the steering wheel. I don't get it either. I'm not even joking....carpet.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Driving The Birthday Party
To cover my gas costs and lease for the night, I usually have to make $125. This is my break-even point, and it usually occurs at 10:00 PM, half-way through my shift (although I usually earn $200-$300 in the second half of my shift). Tonight, this occurred at 9:00, and thank god for that....
....because at 10:00, I stopped being a taxi driver and started being a source of free rides around the city. I have no problem with this of course, because it's my friend's birthday party and I really don't care that much about money. The plan was to pick up a few people from their houses and drop them at Outlaws. What actually happened was this: I drive to one end of the city, and then back 3/4 of the way to the other end of the city, and then downtown only to realize that the birthday girl has forgotten her ID. This means another trip to the outside of the city, and then back to Outlaw's, only for the birthday party to realize the obvious....that Outlaw's is a terrible club with terrible people. So, I go back once more to bring them to 302. Total time: 90 minutes. Fare if the meter was running: >$50
So now that that's over with I should probably go back to making money, right? Nope, went to Tim Horton's instead.
Eventually I did get around to doing my job. Sadness ensued. For the second time in as many weeks, I pick up a passenger who informs me that they have recently been diagnosed with Leukemia and have less than 6 months to live. What am I supposed to say to that? I don't know, but I probably should have come up with something better than, 'Well, that's a bummer', a phrase which I've been using a lot lately. I turned the meter off when we made stops, he was a cool guy and talked about wanting to finish law school and being his own boss for his entire life.
Birthday Party Part II: Eventually the party needed to be picked up, and disappointingly the birthday girl was still able to walk and not so drunk as to be passed out in a gutter somewhere (the only possible way to end a successful evening). Instances of driving then occurred. Eventually we came upon a McDonald's and eating soon followed. My lack of earnings for the night caused me to suggest eating in the car instead of stopping and eating there. At this point, I'm ten hours into my shift and my ability to maintain a conversation or appear that I have any interest in life has long gone. So, I apologize for that....but it's not as if I'm a big talker anyway.
With a couple hours left I was able to make some coin to salvage what was otherwise a failure of a shift (in terms of money, it was actually an enjoyable shift). Earlier in the evening, I picked up someone who instantly recognized me. People probably get the same taxi driver often, but when that taxi driver is the classiest, most handsome taxi driver in the city, you take notice. That's not that unusual though, what is unusual is that I picked that person up for a third time later that night. Oddly enough, she's a quiet one so after three trips we never actually had a legitimate conversation.
My night ended on another failure. I'm on the lower east side near the freeway which is usually connected to the lower east side, which is where my customer needed to go. I told him there was construction and that the freeway was blocked. I sincerely believed this to be true, and I felt bad saying we had to take a long detour to his house. However, on the way he noticed the on-ramp was open and therefore the freeway option as well. No more words were exchanged for the rest of the trip. Tip: $0.00
....because at 10:00, I stopped being a taxi driver and started being a source of free rides around the city. I have no problem with this of course, because it's my friend's birthday party and I really don't care that much about money. The plan was to pick up a few people from their houses and drop them at Outlaws. What actually happened was this: I drive to one end of the city, and then back 3/4 of the way to the other end of the city, and then downtown only to realize that the birthday girl has forgotten her ID. This means another trip to the outside of the city, and then back to Outlaw's, only for the birthday party to realize the obvious....that Outlaw's is a terrible club with terrible people. So, I go back once more to bring them to 302. Total time: 90 minutes. Fare if the meter was running: >$50
So now that that's over with I should probably go back to making money, right? Nope, went to Tim Horton's instead.
Eventually I did get around to doing my job. Sadness ensued. For the second time in as many weeks, I pick up a passenger who informs me that they have recently been diagnosed with Leukemia and have less than 6 months to live. What am I supposed to say to that? I don't know, but I probably should have come up with something better than, 'Well, that's a bummer', a phrase which I've been using a lot lately. I turned the meter off when we made stops, he was a cool guy and talked about wanting to finish law school and being his own boss for his entire life.
Birthday Party Part II: Eventually the party needed to be picked up, and disappointingly the birthday girl was still able to walk and not so drunk as to be passed out in a gutter somewhere (the only possible way to end a successful evening). Instances of driving then occurred. Eventually we came upon a McDonald's and eating soon followed. My lack of earnings for the night caused me to suggest eating in the car instead of stopping and eating there. At this point, I'm ten hours into my shift and my ability to maintain a conversation or appear that I have any interest in life has long gone. So, I apologize for that....but it's not as if I'm a big talker anyway.
With a couple hours left I was able to make some coin to salvage what was otherwise a failure of a shift (in terms of money, it was actually an enjoyable shift). Earlier in the evening, I picked up someone who instantly recognized me. People probably get the same taxi driver often, but when that taxi driver is the classiest, most handsome taxi driver in the city, you take notice. That's not that unusual though, what is unusual is that I picked that person up for a third time later that night. Oddly enough, she's a quiet one so after three trips we never actually had a legitimate conversation.
My night ended on another failure. I'm on the lower east side near the freeway which is usually connected to the lower east side, which is where my customer needed to go. I told him there was construction and that the freeway was blocked. I sincerely believed this to be true, and I felt bad saying we had to take a long detour to his house. However, on the way he noticed the on-ramp was open and therefore the freeway option as well. No more words were exchanged for the rest of the trip. Tip: $0.00
A White Person Driving Foreigners Around In A Taxi....The Irony!
For some reason there were a lot of languages spoken in my taxi tonight. I can only assume that whenever a passenger is speaking in another language that they are somehow insulting me or talking bad about me. What reason do I have for believing this? No reason, none at all. However, my paranoia became somewhat justified when I had to drive an asian couple to the west side (which might as well be another country, I have no idea where I'm going over there). Anyway, they start speaking whatever language it was they spoke (they looked Filipino), except that some words are easier to translate than others. Amid words I don't understand I can pick out 'University Bridge','Circle Drive', and 'shortcut?'. How dare you accuse me of not knowing where I'm going, I'm a goddamn taxi driver (I didn't know where I was going, but I did end up taking the fastest route). Tip: $0.00.
The second foreigners spoke German, the third foreigners spoke French. I don't speak French, but even I could tell that these guys can't speak French. Their accent sounded like they were chewing on pillows while bees were flying around their mouths. However, my most interesting foreigner of the night was an asian girl, at least she looked she looked asian. However, as soon as she started talking I was bombarded by the thickest Aussie accent I've ever heard. Laws of nature were broken here folks. Asians with Australian accents? Doesn't sound that crazy, but I was definitely caught off guard.
Now, I have nothing against foreigners. I wish our society had even more diversity than it already does. However, speaking in another language in my cab robs me of ones of the crucial things that gets me through my 12 hour shifts.....and that is creeping on other people's conversations. I may look like I'm paying attention to the road, but I'm listening to every word of your conversation that I'm not supposed to be a part of. It's like people-watching taken to the next level. Does that make me a creeper? Yes.
Later in the evening I got into a discussion with one of my passengers about bikers on the road, about why they suck and why it would be good to be one. We eventually got off the subject and he asked about myself. At this point I decided to point out to him that we had gone to elementary and high school together. Apparently he goes to the university as well. It took him two tries to remember my name. No, my name is not Jared. Yes, everyone used to call me Carson Daly. Tip: $5.00
Doesn't sound like an eventful night, but one of my better nights. This is kinda the reason why I have this job. My night was filled with random conversations with people about a variety of topics. Car mechanics, BHP Billiton, environmentalism, handjobs, death, conversion rates....there is really no subject that is off topic.
The second foreigners spoke German, the third foreigners spoke French. I don't speak French, but even I could tell that these guys can't speak French. Their accent sounded like they were chewing on pillows while bees were flying around their mouths. However, my most interesting foreigner of the night was an asian girl, at least she looked she looked asian. However, as soon as she started talking I was bombarded by the thickest Aussie accent I've ever heard. Laws of nature were broken here folks. Asians with Australian accents? Doesn't sound that crazy, but I was definitely caught off guard.
Now, I have nothing against foreigners. I wish our society had even more diversity than it already does. However, speaking in another language in my cab robs me of ones of the crucial things that gets me through my 12 hour shifts.....and that is creeping on other people's conversations. I may look like I'm paying attention to the road, but I'm listening to every word of your conversation that I'm not supposed to be a part of. It's like people-watching taken to the next level. Does that make me a creeper? Yes.
Later in the evening I got into a discussion with one of my passengers about bikers on the road, about why they suck and why it would be good to be one. We eventually got off the subject and he asked about myself. At this point I decided to point out to him that we had gone to elementary and high school together. Apparently he goes to the university as well. It took him two tries to remember my name. No, my name is not Jared. Yes, everyone used to call me Carson Daly. Tip: $5.00
Doesn't sound like an eventful night, but one of my better nights. This is kinda the reason why I have this job. My night was filled with random conversations with people about a variety of topics. Car mechanics, BHP Billiton, environmentalism, handjobs, death, conversion rates....there is really no subject that is off topic.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
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