So....Christmas is terrible.....at least in terms of working. If it weren't for the Colonial being open, I may have lost money this weekend. I have never in my life seen so many people at the Colonial.
Another terrible thing about Christmas is that the people are all so very nice....and normal. At one point there were people waiting on cabs on the west side and a message got sent out from dispatch: 'Need cabs on the west side. It's Christmas. These are nice people'. Where's the excitement in that? The drunks that I did get in my cab were just sad and lonely. Interesting people were at a minimum.
Usually at the end of a night I know I'm not going to make much money. After 3 AM I have 2 hours left and there aren't many people who need cabs at that time. However, I stick around because there is potential. Picking up someone in a cab is like Russian Roulette. All I get is an address, but what will I find when I get there? The terrible customers are out there, and I'll get them every night, it's only a matter of time....but the good customers are always out there too. So even though I know I'm going to be sitting around in a parking lot for 2 hours, I stay out there because I enjoy the game of it all. I'll still get to meet 3-4 customers and one of them will usually be interesting. Interesting could be a bad thing, but interesting nonetheless.
With all my free time this weekend, I actually went out to talk to other drivers. The first time I did this was in a parking lot in Market Mall. I saw a taxi parked at the edge of the lot so I drove over to say hello. As I'm approaching I notice another person in the car. What's going on here? They're not near a door so he's not unloading a passenger. A friend maybe? I'm still driving a little closer and.....OH! Oh, I see. It appears that our friend the cabbie has found a non-monetary means to settle the fare with his customers. He didn't seem to like me driving by in the middle of it though. The expression I got....anger in its purest form.
The second, third, and fourth time I actually got to talk to the other driver. What I discovered in that these guys are as racist, if not more racist, than the customers I get who complain about how much they hate foreign taxi drivers and who love me for being white. Ya Racism!
Oh ya, the title. Well, it was only a matter of time before someone pulled a knife on me. The good thing was that she wasn't trying to rob me or threaten me. I got to the house and she came to apologize and say that she didn't actually need the cab anymore. Her boyfriend left and called her a cab, and then decided to come back and give her a ride. She pulled out the knife to express her anger and inform me of her plans to separate his testicles from his body by means of the knife. At this point, I rolled up the window a bit and informed her that she was holding a knife to a cabbie. She just stood there for a second. This second lasted a long time. At this point I was beginning to wonder why she pulled that knife out. Did she want to scare me a little bit to make me go away? It would not be unlike a cabbie to demand money from her for the inconvenience of driving to the house. Perhaps she suspected this and brought some back-up. Perhaps she had planned to rob me, but when she saw my sweet, innocent face she just couldn't go through with it. That's probably it. Actually, I've decided that that is now the undoubted truth of the situation. My good looks save me once again.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
It's Okay, We Didn't Hit Anything
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Saturday, December 18, 2010
Good Luck With That
Sometimes, when I'm creeping in on other peoples' conversations, I like to fill in the rest of the story in my head. I only get to hear a small part of their world, so my imagination will have to do the rest. I help myself to do this by visualizing. I use famous actors and actresses to fill in the personalities that I feel these people should have. In this way, I heard the following stories tonight: James Franco was at a Christmas party where he bored everyone with his off-topic stories and constant interrupting. Luiz Guzman is a chincy, a-hole boss that will only pay for his employees cabs TO the party, but not back home. Patricia Clarkson had a few too many drinks and embarrassed herself by being too honest at her Christmas party....and Brian Cox was the father that was waiting at home that we were trying to avoid, and therefore I had to drop off my customer down the block to avoid waking him up.
Lately, I've been asked a few times why I decided to become a taxi driver. Every time I give the same answer (I give different answers to others questions that I get asked every shift). I tell them I became a taxi driver because of a movie I watched. It's the truth, here's the trailer:
Sunday, December 12, 2010
My New BFF
So, tonight I met Bo, a 40ish year old man who went to watch the fights. We got to talking and eventually we get to Sports on Tap and he asks for my number so that I can pick him later (it's tough to get a cab at Sports on Tap late at night). So, I agreed. I give out my number a lot but I don't actually get called back often. Bo followed through, and I had to fight off some eager potential customers at the door. I said: 'No, this cab is for my friend'. People were angry. When Bo came out he yelled in excitement 'Yay my friend is here to pick me up!'. Ya, we're BFFs now, it's tight.
I've decided that my job is like GTA. I go on missions all night and for some reason a bridge is mysteriously closed. I am hereby accepting all blame for the Victoria Bridge being closed down. I have passed enough missions to access that portion of the map, so the bridge remains closed. I will work hard to pass as many missions as I can to get that bridge back open. Until then, I apologize for the inconvenience. I am also hoping that I get access to a helicopter at some point, which I will immediately crash because the controls are stupid.
It's not odd to get flagged down on Broadway, but when I see a guy running through snow in the median to get my attention I figure this guy really needs a cab. Turns out his buddy was a block away, drunk as all holy hell and trying to drive home. We sat there for a good 5-10 minutes while they tried to convince him. Me, being awesome, finally brought it to an end by offering to drive them for a flat rate of $10. This was a mighty generous offer as they were going to three stops in different areas of the city. They got in the cab and off we went. Fortunately there was a cool half-sober couple to keep me company so I didn't have to deal with the drunks. We went down 20th street to wave at the hookers but there were none. We then went up to the north where everyone stopped for a bathroom break and I declined their offer of them to buy me coffee. The girl in the couple goes to the University and we chatted it up about various things. Turns out she knows some girl I used to work with back in the day whom I stopped talking to for whatever reason. The whole thing was cool and I felt good about helping prevent someone from driving home drunk. They drunks ended chipping in $20 and the half-sober couple chipped in $25. Considering I spent an hour driving them all around the city this was still a pretty good deal for them, but $45 for an hour isn't the worst that I could do.
Terrible customers - they told me to change my music. How dare they? I was rocking some good tunes and they demanded a change to Wired 96. Bitches! One of them also tried hitting on me. She asked what my astrological sign was. I said 'cancer' but apparently she thought I told her to sit down and put her seatbelt on. I have an angry look on my face though, what do expect, I was rocking some Wise Blood and they shut me down.
More bad customers - He was married. She wasn't his wife. They demanded that I open the door for them. They called me grumpy. She rubbed up against me when exiting the cab. She passed out in front of my taxi. I drove away. No tip.
Decent customers - She biffed it in front on my cab. I let them smoke in the van. We talked about what it was like being a cabbie. They were alright.
More decent customers - They had the company charge account. We talked about cougars. They liked my music. $11 tip.
I brought my iPod to work for the first time due to my recently burned CDs not working. The battery lasts 7 hours which is decent and I still have enough CDs to get through the other 5 hours. It's great to have because I can easily let customers change the music to something they like, and I obviously something I still like because it;s on my iPod. However, customers sometimes like rifling through my CDs. One awesome customer not only knew who Edward Sharpe was, but loved that I had their CD. They rocked one song from them, and then switched to some Black Keys. They loved my music and naturally wanted my number so they could call me to pick them up later. I never heard from them again.
I've decided that my job is like GTA. I go on missions all night and for some reason a bridge is mysteriously closed. I am hereby accepting all blame for the Victoria Bridge being closed down. I have passed enough missions to access that portion of the map, so the bridge remains closed. I will work hard to pass as many missions as I can to get that bridge back open. Until then, I apologize for the inconvenience. I am also hoping that I get access to a helicopter at some point, which I will immediately crash because the controls are stupid.
It's not odd to get flagged down on Broadway, but when I see a guy running through snow in the median to get my attention I figure this guy really needs a cab. Turns out his buddy was a block away, drunk as all holy hell and trying to drive home. We sat there for a good 5-10 minutes while they tried to convince him. Me, being awesome, finally brought it to an end by offering to drive them for a flat rate of $10. This was a mighty generous offer as they were going to three stops in different areas of the city. They got in the cab and off we went. Fortunately there was a cool half-sober couple to keep me company so I didn't have to deal with the drunks. We went down 20th street to wave at the hookers but there were none. We then went up to the north where everyone stopped for a bathroom break and I declined their offer of them to buy me coffee. The girl in the couple goes to the University and we chatted it up about various things. Turns out she knows some girl I used to work with back in the day whom I stopped talking to for whatever reason. The whole thing was cool and I felt good about helping prevent someone from driving home drunk. They drunks ended chipping in $20 and the half-sober couple chipped in $25. Considering I spent an hour driving them all around the city this was still a pretty good deal for them, but $45 for an hour isn't the worst that I could do.
Terrible customers - they told me to change my music. How dare they? I was rocking some good tunes and they demanded a change to Wired 96. Bitches! One of them also tried hitting on me. She asked what my astrological sign was. I said 'cancer' but apparently she thought I told her to sit down and put her seatbelt on. I have an angry look on my face though, what do expect, I was rocking some Wise Blood and they shut me down.
More bad customers - He was married. She wasn't his wife. They demanded that I open the door for them. They called me grumpy. She rubbed up against me when exiting the cab. She passed out in front of my taxi. I drove away. No tip.
Decent customers - She biffed it in front on my cab. I let them smoke in the van. We talked about what it was like being a cabbie. They were alright.
More decent customers - They had the company charge account. We talked about cougars. They liked my music. $11 tip.
I brought my iPod to work for the first time due to my recently burned CDs not working. The battery lasts 7 hours which is decent and I still have enough CDs to get through the other 5 hours. It's great to have because I can easily let customers change the music to something they like, and I obviously something I still like because it;s on my iPod. However, customers sometimes like rifling through my CDs. One awesome customer not only knew who Edward Sharpe was, but loved that I had their CD. They rocked one song from them, and then switched to some Black Keys. They loved my music and naturally wanted my number so they could call me to pick them up later. I never heard from them again.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
He's Not A Racist, He Just Hates Foreigners
Dear Diary,
tonight I made two friends. Both of them like me because I am white and other taxi drivers are not. My first friend claimed that it had nothing to do with race, but he just hated being driven around by 'them'. For my second friend, this was second time in my cab. I remember him from the first time because as I was dropping him and his friends off at Tequila's he gave me a casual 'White Power!' followed by a fistbump. My friends are racist, and now they have my cell phone number, so whenever they are drunk and feeling extra racist they can call me up and get a ride. I accept them as friends because they tip generously.
Okay, enough of that....
While playing a 'Death Cab for Cutie' CD a customer made the suggestion that I was actually a serial killer and I was playing the music as a hint that this was a literal 'death cab'. I told her that her fears were justified. The next thing that popped into my head was the tell her that with her in the cab and with me being a serial killer, and this would indeed be a death cab for a cutie. I decided that this was a terrible idea, not only because it was a terrible line, but because hitting on customers is a terrible idea in its own right.
Later in the evening, I drove by a radar trap on 108th street. As I approached, going 30 km/h over the speed limit, the squad car lit up his cherries and berries. When he saw that I was a taxi, he shut those suckers down. That's right! My customers were delighted with my diplomatic immunity (I have decided to call it this for no reason whatsoever)
A drunk girl came out of Tequila's, opened the door to my cab, looked at me, said 'ugh' and then closed the door and got in the cab behind me. WTF!
Tonight was a delightful evening because the majority of my fares were older people coming from Christmas parties as opposed to my usual club trash. When these drunks start a conversation, they are able to articulate complete sentences. We can discuss city transit, construction, music, and so on. This differs from my usual conversations on trying to discover the true nature of the chick who plays hard to get.
My debit machine magically stopped working tonight. I had to tell two customers that they didn't need to pay. I wrote my name and taxi ID on a paper and told them if they feeling generous that they could pay down at the office. They both seemed like good guys, but I do not anticipate getting that $27.
tonight I made two friends. Both of them like me because I am white and other taxi drivers are not. My first friend claimed that it had nothing to do with race, but he just hated being driven around by 'them'. For my second friend, this was second time in my cab. I remember him from the first time because as I was dropping him and his friends off at Tequila's he gave me a casual 'White Power!' followed by a fistbump. My friends are racist, and now they have my cell phone number, so whenever they are drunk and feeling extra racist they can call me up and get a ride. I accept them as friends because they tip generously.
Okay, enough of that....
While playing a 'Death Cab for Cutie' CD a customer made the suggestion that I was actually a serial killer and I was playing the music as a hint that this was a literal 'death cab'. I told her that her fears were justified. The next thing that popped into my head was the tell her that with her in the cab and with me being a serial killer, and this would indeed be a death cab for a cutie. I decided that this was a terrible idea, not only because it was a terrible line, but because hitting on customers is a terrible idea in its own right.
Later in the evening, I drove by a radar trap on 108th street. As I approached, going 30 km/h over the speed limit, the squad car lit up his cherries and berries. When he saw that I was a taxi, he shut those suckers down. That's right! My customers were delighted with my diplomatic immunity (I have decided to call it this for no reason whatsoever)
A drunk girl came out of Tequila's, opened the door to my cab, looked at me, said 'ugh' and then closed the door and got in the cab behind me. WTF!
Tonight was a delightful evening because the majority of my fares were older people coming from Christmas parties as opposed to my usual club trash. When these drunks start a conversation, they are able to articulate complete sentences. We can discuss city transit, construction, music, and so on. This differs from my usual conversations on trying to discover the true nature of the chick who plays hard to get.
My debit machine magically stopped working tonight. I had to tell two customers that they didn't need to pay. I wrote my name and taxi ID on a paper and told them if they feeling generous that they could pay down at the office. They both seemed like good guys, but I do not anticipate getting that $27.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Oh, It's Right Here
Time ceases to have any meaning anymore in my taxi. I remember the order of my customers by what music was playing when they were in my cab.
At half past 'Arcade Fire' I picked a grad student who was a prof party (I'm scared that there are such things as prof parties). She came from BC, was an Arts student, and hated Saskatoon. I took an instant liking to her, but that didn't last long. I found out the reason she left the party was because she was asked to leave. Shortly after finding this out, I discovered why she was asked to leave. In the span of College Drive from Cumberland to Clarence she managed to insult me, arts students, business students, Saskatchewan, graduate studies, Saskatoon, and her profs....but not the U of S, apparently the U of S is alright. Anyway, the trip became noteworthy after we stopped at a Mac's and then to her apartment. At this point she notified me that she had lost her wallet. She sat in the cab for a few minutes looking through her purse and around her seat. I also looked around from my seat. Eventually she decided that her wallet was no longer in the cab and that she must have left it at Mac's. It's worth pointing out that her drunkenness made this take longer than it should have. She managed to go into a drunk pity mode, which is really the worst type of drunk mode. She felt bad for me, apologized, and then got angry again....all in the span of a few seconds. We went back to Mac's to check for the wallet. It wasn't there. It was clear that she was not going to leave my cab until this was sorted out....partially because she wanted me to get paid, but also because she wanted her IDs. I didn't really give a fuck either way. This last half an hour until I decided to actually get out of the cab and search the area that she was looking at and had been for quite some time. In the most obvious of spaces, right by the seat, was her wallet. In a very calm way, I picked it up and said 'Here it is'. I got back into the cab, drove her home, and that was that. I shut off the meter while she was looking and while we went to Mac's. She tipped me 3 dollars for my half-hour of time. This was during my busiest hours of the night.
One 'gentlemen' wanted a short trip from Tequila's to the Travelodge. One person going on a short trip is a sure sign of a skipper. We got to the hotel, he said thanks and prepared to leave. I reminded him of his tab and wondered aloud if I was going to have to chase him down. Amazingly, he added a $9 tip.
The 'Asshole of the Night Award' goes to......some asshole at Outlaws/ It's 4 AM, he says he's going to some hotel nearby and tells me where to go....except that he leads me down a dead end. In the process, he gives me the names of 3 hotels in the area. I repeatedly ask which one he is actually going to, and he begins to complain that I don't know where I'm going. We're driving by the Ramada when a cop car flags me down and asks if I room for 6 drunk girls who are trying to drive home. I say that I only have room for 5. The 'gentlemen' in my cab says he would love to have the girls in the cab with him, especially because he is headed back to his hotel room. Luckily enough, the cops won't let me put 7 people in a cab that only has room for 6. So, I tell them to wait one minute while I drop this guy off and come back to pick up the girls. My customers continues to lead me on a wild goose chase through roads that we've already established are dead-ends. I tell him repeatedly to give me the name of the actual hotel and he continues to blame me for all this, asking if it's my first day on the job. While driving around, I see that the cops have left the car full of drunk girls alone, and while passing me they inform me that they no longer need a cab ride home and they drive off. I try to stop them, but what more can I do....other than fishtail them off the road, which I'm not prepared to do. I really hope those girls got home safe. If I see an article in the paper tomorrow about that black car being in a major accident, I'm going to that hotel room and punching this asshole repeatedly. That hotel room, by the way, we eventually got to. It was about a 30 second walk from where I initially picked him up. Furthermore, he refused to pay because of the obviously bad service that I received.
Once again, I met a guy who I went to high school with. Even after I told him who I was he said I looked nothing like how I did 4 years ago. This is the 4th person I've gone to high school with who came into my cab and said this. Apparently I've changed quite a bit over the last few years. This was probably the most awkward ride of the night though. I have customers who never say a word, but it's weird when you point out that you went to high school together, get to talking about we've both been doing since grad, and then just total silence for the rest of the way home.
At half past 'Arcade Fire' I picked a grad student who was a prof party (I'm scared that there are such things as prof parties). She came from BC, was an Arts student, and hated Saskatoon. I took an instant liking to her, but that didn't last long. I found out the reason she left the party was because she was asked to leave. Shortly after finding this out, I discovered why she was asked to leave. In the span of College Drive from Cumberland to Clarence she managed to insult me, arts students, business students, Saskatchewan, graduate studies, Saskatoon, and her profs....but not the U of S, apparently the U of S is alright. Anyway, the trip became noteworthy after we stopped at a Mac's and then to her apartment. At this point she notified me that she had lost her wallet. She sat in the cab for a few minutes looking through her purse and around her seat. I also looked around from my seat. Eventually she decided that her wallet was no longer in the cab and that she must have left it at Mac's. It's worth pointing out that her drunkenness made this take longer than it should have. She managed to go into a drunk pity mode, which is really the worst type of drunk mode. She felt bad for me, apologized, and then got angry again....all in the span of a few seconds. We went back to Mac's to check for the wallet. It wasn't there. It was clear that she was not going to leave my cab until this was sorted out....partially because she wanted me to get paid, but also because she wanted her IDs. I didn't really give a fuck either way. This last half an hour until I decided to actually get out of the cab and search the area that she was looking at and had been for quite some time. In the most obvious of spaces, right by the seat, was her wallet. In a very calm way, I picked it up and said 'Here it is'. I got back into the cab, drove her home, and that was that. I shut off the meter while she was looking and while we went to Mac's. She tipped me 3 dollars for my half-hour of time. This was during my busiest hours of the night.
One 'gentlemen' wanted a short trip from Tequila's to the Travelodge. One person going on a short trip is a sure sign of a skipper. We got to the hotel, he said thanks and prepared to leave. I reminded him of his tab and wondered aloud if I was going to have to chase him down. Amazingly, he added a $9 tip.
The 'Asshole of the Night Award' goes to......some asshole at Outlaws/ It's 4 AM, he says he's going to some hotel nearby and tells me where to go....except that he leads me down a dead end. In the process, he gives me the names of 3 hotels in the area. I repeatedly ask which one he is actually going to, and he begins to complain that I don't know where I'm going. We're driving by the Ramada when a cop car flags me down and asks if I room for 6 drunk girls who are trying to drive home. I say that I only have room for 5. The 'gentlemen' in my cab says he would love to have the girls in the cab with him, especially because he is headed back to his hotel room. Luckily enough, the cops won't let me put 7 people in a cab that only has room for 6. So, I tell them to wait one minute while I drop this guy off and come back to pick up the girls. My customers continues to lead me on a wild goose chase through roads that we've already established are dead-ends. I tell him repeatedly to give me the name of the actual hotel and he continues to blame me for all this, asking if it's my first day on the job. While driving around, I see that the cops have left the car full of drunk girls alone, and while passing me they inform me that they no longer need a cab ride home and they drive off. I try to stop them, but what more can I do....other than fishtail them off the road, which I'm not prepared to do. I really hope those girls got home safe. If I see an article in the paper tomorrow about that black car being in a major accident, I'm going to that hotel room and punching this asshole repeatedly. That hotel room, by the way, we eventually got to. It was about a 30 second walk from where I initially picked him up. Furthermore, he refused to pay because of the obviously bad service that I received.
Once again, I met a guy who I went to high school with. Even after I told him who I was he said I looked nothing like how I did 4 years ago. This is the 4th person I've gone to high school with who came into my cab and said this. Apparently I've changed quite a bit over the last few years. This was probably the most awkward ride of the night though. I have customers who never say a word, but it's weird when you point out that you went to high school together, get to talking about we've both been doing since grad, and then just total silence for the rest of the way home.
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