Finding Balance

Tonight I didn't really want to work, but having been lazy the past couple weeks I decided to tough it out and actually earn some money. The city was surprisingly busy, so I did well. However, as the night wore on I found it harder and harder to continue, until it got to 2:00 AM, which is the busiest time of the night, but still 2 hours before I'm supposed to be done my shift. To go home at this point would be ludicrous, I've already worked 10 hours, what is another hour? It'll settle down in an hour then I can go home, and maybe pick up $50 in the process.

But I decided to count how much money I had already made anyway. $230. Earlier in the night I told myself I'd be good with $150 (well under my nightly average, but enough that it would make the night worthwhile)....but then I started thinking, what's the limit? I don't need the money, but my inner greed tells me that I should always have more. There is always a cost-benefit analysis going on as to whether that money is worth the effort....but I started thinking of it like future job opportunities. Maybe one day I'll get offered a really good paying job, but it will also come with a lot of responsibility and stress. Do I need it? Would I take it just because the money is worth the effort? Maybe I go through my whole life taking opportunities just for the value that I feel they create, and never really cash in on any of them.

I cashed in tonight, went home early. Any rational thought process says that's a stupid move...but I feel no regret. I had enough money and when you remove greed from the equation, the only rational move is to go home and get some sleep (or in my case, go on Facebook and write a blog). I just need enough. Any effort that I put it to get some more than that, regardless of how much I'm getting, is wasted effort in my opinion.

Funny thing though, when I parked my taxi some random guy at the taxi garage wouldn't let me go home because he needed a ride and the city was so busy that he would never get one for an hour or so later. A bad decision, I drove him home because it was on my way home, so I gave him a ride in my own car....a random. Turns out he was an ex-cabbie. He told me about how a girl was stabbed and killed in his car, and how 5 times in his life he had a knife pulled on him, and how many people he had to drive bloodied and dying to the hospital, and how many gang members he's had to deal with.

This job....it ain't worth it any more. I'm stuck because of the money, but I think it's time to grow a pair and quit....to stop letting money rule my life.