Sleeping On The Job

Regular Occurrence:

Driving a drunk home....they don't give an address but give me turn-by-turn directions on the way there.....the directions stop coming....the drunk has passed out in the front seat. Where am I supposed to go? I give them a shake..."Holy shit, you were supposed to turn way back there!"

-
'Is this the Cash Cab?'
'Yup'
'Really?'
'Not a fuckin chance'
-

Today one of my customers showed me his butterfly knife. He told me to touch it to see how sharp it was. Disregarding Christmas, I have had 3 knives shown to me in my last two shifts. This trend is distressing.

My seatbelt was uncomfortable so I took it off. I don't usually drive without a seatbelt so it felt odd. I then began to wonder if, in a fresh batch of irony, I would get into a car accident tonight and die because of my lack of safety harness. I then wondered what the results of my death would be. The conclusion that I arrived at was that it would not be much of a tragedy, although AIESEC Saskatoon would need a new VPOGX. Most of the world would remain unaffected by my absence. My seatbelt remained unhinged for the duration of the evening.

I was extremely sick tonight (thanks AIESEC) but I tried very hard to make it not show. I didn't want to reach for my Halls because then my customers would know that their driver is sick and they might not like the idea of catching something. This led to me looking like I was either constipated or dry-heaving....but I never coughed in front of a customer.

Tonight I tried to mimic my customers. Language, facial expressions, mannerisms, etc. I felt I did a pretty good job, no one called me on. I read about this as a sales technique that makes a customer feel like they connect with you in some way. I wasn't sure if it was BS or not, but after tonight I think it might be true.

My shift ended at 4:30, when I realized that a few seconds earlier it was only 4:00. Apparently I took a half hour nap. Convinced that I was too sick and too tired to continue, I packed it in a bit early. My thoughts have now shifted towards Tim Hortons breakfast sandwiches. It is my undying wish that I will wake up tomorrow and they will be beside my bed. They will be warm. I will eat them. They will be delicious. I will be satisfied.

Mmmmmmmmmm....

Why am I still writing this? I am tired....